Saracens Head, Shirley, Solihull

The only redeeming feature of this place was the Friday night disco which used to attract some right fucktards. But now even that's gone.

Red Lion, Shirley, Solihull

When I lived up here the landlord of this place was a right miserable twat. Still is.

Drawbridge, Shirley, Birmingham

There are certain people from Solihull who would be horrified by the very suggestion that this pub is in Birmingham, because it isn't really, it's in Solihull. But thankfully those sort of people don't drink here.

White Swan, Wythall, Birmingham

Dead. Dull. Just as I left it over two and a half years ago!

Full Moon, Fishponds, Bristol

Free jukebox + me = empty pub

Portcullis, Fishponds, Bristol

Well chavvy boozer with a plethora of unruly kids shouting at each other. Monkey see, monkey do...

Golden Lion, Fishponds, Bristol

Tatty 'music pub' with a darts obsession and the worst website ever. Google it - you won't be disappointed.

Star, Fishponds, Bristol

Where's Sky Sports FFS? However with Samantha Fox and AC/DC on the jukebox, I'm not complaining. Or am I?

Mason's Arms, Stapleton, Bristol

Loads of Rovers fans still banging on about the Birmingham game. Think I'll keep me gob shut. Mind you, shouldn't they be up the Mem by now? Fuckin armchairs.

Lamb Inn, Mangotsfield, Bristol

I like this pub too. I just won 45 quid on the fruit machine.

Staple Hill Oak, Staple Hill, Bristol

I like this pub. I just won 100 quid on the fruit machine.

Cross Hands, Fishponds, Bristol

Full of baby show-offs. 'Mine's cuter than yours' and all that. Get me out of here.

Crown and Horseshoe, Oldland Common, Bristol

I don't know why I like it, but I do. It could be the friendly puppy. It could be the hopeless abandon of all who enter here.

Dolphin, Oldland Common, Bristol

If anyone's actually reading this bollocks can you let me know, just to save me wasting my time? Thank you.

Three Crowns, Redfield, Bristol

Big old Victorian boozer - the kind I like. And it has its own mini pool hall on the side.

Fire Engine, Redfield, Bristol

Recently reopened, nice but not as good as it used to be. It used to have a cat and a parrot, but the old management have taken them to their new pastures.  Disappointed.

Black Horse, Redfield, Bristol

Grubby but friendly. And that's it mainly.

St. George's Hall, Redfield, Bristol

Wetherspoon's with two drinking levels. Bar is on the upper level, but fear not, disabled people of east Bristol, for there is a stairlift so that you too can spend your benefits here.

Old Stillage, Redfield, Bristol

Arbor Ales brewery tap, so always a quality pint guaranteed. Good jukebox too. A bit dead for a Saturday afternoon though.

Spotted Cow, Fishponds, Bristol

Here again. Because I love it.