Hot Rocks, Maindee, Newport

It's not hot. There is no rock, just R&B. And there are no spliffs overspilling. Anyone got the number for Trading Standards?

Royal Albert, Maindee, Newport

Recently reopened after a refurbishment. Doesn't look any different.

The Crown, Maindee, Newport

Proper back-street local which you could never come across by accident. Good lively atmosphere with occasional jovial music/football disagreements between the locals.

Maindee Hotel, Maindee, Newport

Lively boozer which rather quaintly still has several working CRT TVs scattered about, the biggest of which must be about 20". Fear not, there's a large pull-down screen for important events!

Scrum Half Sports Bar, Maindee, Newport

Dreadful music on the jukebox and The fucking Chase on TV. So much for the 'Sports Bar'.

The Dodger, Maindee, Newport

Big pub which never seems to be very full, in spite of the decent Weston's cider and Wickwar Ale on tap. Might be better when the footy season starts again.

Ye Shakespeare, Redcliffe, Bristol

Another good pub gentrified and charging London prices - £4.50 a pint FFS.

Seems to be jumping on the ale bandwagon but close by they've got serious competition from old CAMRA faves the Kings Head, Seven Stars and Cornubia, which are considerably cheaper. Which might explain why there are only three punters (including me) on a Friday night. 

Wellington, Horfield, Bristol

Goose, Kings Heath, Birmingham

Shabby cheapo boozer which attracts the absolute dregs of Brummie society. But today they're all at Wembley. Huzzah!

Hare and Hounds, Kings Heath, Birmingham

Used to be a good locals' boozer, also popular with passing trade from the High Street. Today it caters for hipster twats who like showing their underpants.

Redwood Farm, Catbrain, Bristol

I suppose an unremarkable new pub is better than a good closed one. And I just like the fact that I'm in a place called Catbrain.

Golden Lion, Bishopston, Bristol

Always seems to have a plethora of flyers and 'zines which suggest it's down with the scene. It's not. Whenever I drink here I leave wondering why I bothered.

Anchor, Bishopston, Bristol

Normally a big football pub, but tonight they're showing the rugby when the Scottish play-off is on. Possibly an important rugby game - I don't follow it. Nor Scottish football.

Royal Oak, Horfield, Bristol

Eat football, drink football, watch football, eat nice food, drink local ale/cider and watch football again.

Tinto Lounge, Horfield, Bristol

Not the sort of place you'd come to for a piss-up with the lads; a self-proclaimed "café bar" (and who am I to argue?), whose menu sits between pub-grub and gastropub.

Queen Vic, Horfield, Bristol

Tatty but likeable Rovers pub with friendly gaffer and locals. Job done.

Wellington, Horfield, Bristol

Newly opened after a refurb. Still the same good ale but gone are the nice little alcoves and Victorian screens along with most of its character. Don't like it.

BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND!

Thanks fans (all one of you, Barcelona's Singing Organ-Grinder).

Mall, Clifton, Bristol

Again, better than I expected. A sign reads 'downstairs for the Secret Garden'. If I was trying to keep something secret I wouldn't put a sign up.

White Lion, Clifton, Bristol

Not too up its own arse for the area. Nice view of the bridge and gorge, and good for watching footy. And that's it mainly.